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MelissaS (3254)
30
Alan Smithee (3165)
31
clay (2765)
Reviews by 'Alan Smithee'
Current status of
Movie deity
with a total of
3165
reviews published to date.
Order by
Film Name
Review Votes
Review Score
Chronological Order
Show
All
Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King, The (2003)
Frodo visits Shelob's website.
Jan 12, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(81)
Collateral (2004)
The Tominator.
Aug 25, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(47)
Live Nude Shakespeare (1997)
Mac-buff.
Nov 10, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(46)
Four Weddings And A Funeral (1994)
I see wed people.
May 22, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(45)
American Pie: The Wedding (2003)
Pie replaced by Hannigan.
Aug 5, 2003
Unscored
Vote
(44)
Erotic Adventures Of Pinocchio, The (1971)
Very knotty boy!
Jul 18, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(42)
I Am A Camera (1955)
Me No Leica.
Jan 26, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(42)
Anastasia (1997)
Girl keeps Roamin' off.
May 7, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(40)
Fly, The (1986)
Scientist fears police Raid.
Jan 22, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(40)
Spider-Man (2002)
Tobey joins swingers club.
Dec 31, 2003
Unscored
Vote
(40)
Flipper (1996)
Dull fin.
Jan 25, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(39)
Messenger: The Story Of Joan Of Arc, The (1999)
English enjoy French cooking.
Feb 18, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(39)
John Wayne Bobbitt Uncut (1994)
Bobbitt: CUT! then ACTION!
May 23, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(38)
Kingpin (1996)
Gutter humour.
Jun 5, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(38)
Live Nude Shakespeare (1997)
Tits-Arse Andronicus.
Nov 10, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(38)
Vanilla Sky (2001)
Cruise screws Cruz. Snooze.
Feb 5, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(38)
Top Gun (1986)
Duck! Duck, Goose!
Jun 16, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(36)
Catch Me If You Can (2002)
Tom: 'Stop, Leo, Stop!'.
Mar 9, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(35)
Naked Fairy Tales (2002)
Sleeping Booty.
Jan 4, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(34)
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge Of The Sith (2005)
Anakin develops nasty wheeze.
Jul 6, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(33)
Who Is Alan Smithee? (2002)
All About Me.
Apr 30, 2006
Unscored
Vote
(33)
Man With The Smallest Penis In Existence And The Electron Microscope Technician Who Loved Him, The (2003)
Condom minimum.
Jun 15, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(32)
Shakespeare Behind Bars (2005)
MidSlammer Night's Dream.
Jan 31, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(30)
Wadd: The Life And Times Of John C. Holmes (1998)
Holmes: one foot forward.
Jun 15, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(30)
Champ, The (1979)
A bout, a boy.
Jan 31, 2007
Unscored
Vote
(29)
2001 - A Space Odyssey (1968)
Dave should've installed firewall.
Jan 4, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(28)
Burger & The King: The Life & Cuisine Of Elvis Presley, The (1996)
Burger, King.
Jan 28, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(28)
Castaways On Gilligan's Island, The (1979)
Isle be back.
Oct 27, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(27)
Click (2006)
Man-of-pause.
Jun 27, 2006
Unscored
Vote
(27)
New Orleans Story (2006)
Mardi Gras Floats. Literally.
May 2, 2006
Unscored
Vote
(27)
Behind The Tunes: Bugs - A Rabbit For All Seasonings (2003)
What's-up-doc-umentary.
Mar 30, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(26)
Cast Away (2000)
Tom waits.
Feb 17, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(26)
Dog Detective, The (1906)
Snoop dog.
Oct 16, 2008
Unscored
Vote
(26)
King And I, The (1956)
Thai Domey.
Apr 12, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(26)
Shakespeare Behind Bars (2005)
Taming of the Screws.
Jan 31, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(26)
Live Nude Shakespeare (1997)
The Merchant with Penis.
Dec 25, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(25)
Live Nude Shakespeare (1997)
Desde-moaner.
Jan 18, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(25)
Nine 1/2 Weeks (1986)
Rourke rogers Kim. Repeat.
Jun 14, 2003
Unscored
Vote
(25)
Casuistry: The Art Of Killing A Cat (2004)
Please kill meow.
Aug 15, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(24)
Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (2004)
Forget-me-do's.
Mar 24, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(24)
Ring, The (2002)
Girl rewards video piracy!
Mar 21, 2003
Unscored
Vote
(24)
Blazing Saddles (1974)
Rock Ridge's Nig... saviour.
Dec 20, 2003
Unscored
Vote
(23)
Star Wars: Episode VI - Return Of The Jedi (1983)
Yoda saves on funeral.
Jan 12, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(23)
Battle Of Bladders (1903)
Bladders in arms.
May 8, 2007
Unscored
Vote
(22)
Boxing Cats (Prof. Welton's), The (1894)
Fight Cub.
Feb 7, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(22)
Devil Wears Prada, The (2006)
Pradaptation.
Feb 16, 2007
Unscored
Vote
(22)
Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs (1937)
Seven guys? Ho White.
Dec 18, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(22)
Edward Scissorhands (1990)
Edward is trimmer-happy.
Jul 1, 2006
Unscored
Vote
(21)
Live Nude Shakespeare (1997)
All's Well, Wears Nil.
Nov 10, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(21)
Pinocchio (1940)
Wish he wooden lie.
Mar 16, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(21)
Troy (2004)
Troy, a little tenderness.
Feb 23, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(21)
Who Is Alan Smithee? (2002)
Directors utilise 'Disown' feature.
Feb 20, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(21)
50 First Dates (2004)
Fifty-first state's comedy.
May 3, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(20)
Bambi Meets Godzilla (1969)
Godzilla steps in something.
Mar 21, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(20)
Chatterbox (1977)
Lower lips do talking.
Mar 28, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(20)
Cool Hand Luke (1967)
Newman: ova the top.
Feb 5, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(20)
Day After Tomorrow, The (2004)
Global warming screws humanity.
May 6, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(20)
Shakespeare Behind Bars (2005)
All's Well, in Cells.
Jan 31, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(20)
Super Size Me (2004)
McExperiment: McHeart Attack McImminent.
May 10, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(20)
Wizard Of Oz, The (1939)
Kansan in the wind.
Jan 17, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(20)
Armageddon (1998)
Ben and Liv Arma-get-it-on.
Apr 12, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(19)
Brain Eaters, The (1959)
Thought for food.
Jul 6, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(19)
Enemy At The Gates (2001)
Jude gets Weisz.
Sep 5, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(19)
Grandpa's Marijuana Handbook: The Movie (1999)
Grandpots.
Oct 18, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(19)
Robocop (1987)
Re-enforced steel.
Nov 28, 2006
Unscored
Vote
(19)
Zulu (1964)
Tribal warriors get Cained.
May 21, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(19)
50 First Dates (2004)
50 walrus penis jokes.
Aug 14, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(18)
A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)
A.sI.nine.
Jan 22, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(18)
Bolt (2008)
Trabolta.
Nov 9, 2008
Unscored
Vote
(18)
Farm Family: In Search Of Gay Life In Rural America (2004)
Bottom pricking cotton-picking,.
May 11, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(18)
Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas (1998)
Speed y gonzo.
May 6, 2007
Unscored
Vote
(18)
Ice Cream Man (1995)
Scooper man.
Sep 5, 2007
Unscored
Vote
(18)
Meet The Applegates (1991)
It's a bug's wife.
Apr 10, 2006
Unscored
Vote
(18)
300 (2006)
'Kick the messenger'.
May 15, 2007
Unscored
Vote
(17)
Basic Instinct 2 (2006)
Return of the crotch.
Dec 20, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(17)
Cool Runnings (1993)
Rastas, luge yourself!
Jun 16, 2006
Unscored
Vote
(17)
Cursed (2004)
Baio, wolf.
Jan 9, 2008
Unscored
Vote
(17)
Departed, The (2006)
Francis and talking mole.
Dec 4, 2006
Unscored
Vote
(17)
Green Mile, The (1999)
Coffey: extra dark roast.
Feb 20, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(17)
VeggieTales: Very Silly Songs (1999)
Lettuce entertains you.
Dec 13, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(17)
What's Love Got To Do With It (1993)
Simply the Bassett.
Sep 25, 2008
Unscored
Vote
(17)
1,001 Ways To Eat My Jizz, Part 3: Biscuits And Gravy Edition (2002)
Jizz and biscuits.
Aug 14, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(16)
Coyote Ugly (2000)
Rowdy Piper.
Apr 28, 2007
Unscored
Vote
(16)
Karate Dog, The (2004)
Kung Pooch.
Jul 6, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(16)
Live Nude Shakespeare (1997)
Jubblies, Jubblies, Toil, Troublies.
Jan 19, 2005
Unscored
Vote
(16)
My Own Private Idaho (1991)
River's 'daHo in Idaho.
Jan 13, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(16)
Patriot, The (2000)
Gibson = Ye Olde Punisher.
Dec 27, 2003
Unscored
Vote
(16)
Pretty Woman (1990)
No ho no mo'.
Nov 6, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(16)
Spider-Man 2 (2004)
Mary-Jane's nipples: the sequel.
Jul 6, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(16)
Stand By Me (1986)
Kids connect over corpse.
Jul 30, 2003
Unscored
Vote
(16)
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack Of The Clones (2002)
Anakin- still breathing fine.
Dec 31, 2003
Unscored
Vote
(16)
Big Top Pee-Wee (1988)
Pee-Wee pitches another tent.
Jun 10, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(15)
Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey (1991)
Kill Bill. And Ted.
Feb 6, 2006
Unscored
Vote
(15)
Calendar Girl Murders (1984)
Girls' days are numbered.
Apr 23, 2010
Unscored
Vote
(15)
Drunken Acrobat, The (1896)
'He just hopped-up'.
Apr 28, 2007
Unscored
Vote
(15)
Edison Kinetoscopic Record Of A Sneeze (1894)
Spoiler: Fred Ott sneezes.
Aug 16, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(15)
Fight Club (1999)
Fighting is in Br/Ed.
Dec 10, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(15)
Jerry Maguire (1996)
Renee had at hello.
Dec 27, 2003
Unscored
Vote
(15)
Pretty Woman (1990)
Whore scores rich bore.
Nov 6, 2004
Unscored
Vote
(15)
Raiders Of The Lost Ark (1981)
God's box melts Nazis.
Jun 7, 2003
Unscored
Vote
(15)
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