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| Asteroid misses Hollywood unfortunately. |
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| Asteroid, audience bored. |
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| Ben and Liv Arma-get-it-on. |
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| Affleck drills Liv + asteroid. |
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| Willis driller, comet killer. |
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| Buscemi off his rock(er). |
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| Wrinklies drill asteriod. |
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| Boring machine outperforms Bruce. |
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| Fuckwit rigger saves world. |
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| Earth saved, physics doomed. |
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| World applauds exploded Bruce. |
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| Rock movie with Aerosmith. |
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| Asteroid twats Paris, hurrah! |
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| Boring beyond this world. |
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| Pointy room provokes paranoia. |
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| Willis goes ballistic, literally. |
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| Asteroid splits; audience too. |
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| Owen Wilson, Ben stellar. |
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| Willis falls on as-teroid. |
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| 'Deep Impact' sans ennui. |
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| Earth savers? Tax-exempt! |
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| Bruce flies, cries, dies. |
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| Preventing the Great Depression. |
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| Kiss your asteroid goodbye. |
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| Affleck drills Bruce's baby. |
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| Willis drills, flies, dies. |
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| Affleck drills asteroid, Tyler. |
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| Armageddon my money back. |
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| Bruckheimer's Big Asteroid. |
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| Asteroid, eardrums destroyed. |
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| Willis finally die's hard. |
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| Animal cracker foreplay? Ew. |
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| Earth threatened? Send yahoos! |
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| Made 'Superman' look realistic. |
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| Buscemi pastiches 'Strangelove' strangely. |
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| Bruce's boys kick asteroid. |
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| Tyler, Minor. Affleck, Miner. |
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| America saves world... again. |
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| Bruce battles big boulder. |
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| Drillers' 'boring' asteroid film. |
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| Oil riggers rig asteroid. |
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| Meatheads meet meteor metier. |
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| Engineers tested for 'steroids. |
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| Buscemi gets 'Space Dementia'! |
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| Earths saviour is Willis. |
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| Willis, Comet: Close Shave. |
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| Buscemi humps nuclear weapon. |
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| Doomsday delayed by miners. |
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| 'Deep Impact' with Aerosmith. |
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| Aerosmith saves the movie. |
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| Willis dies, Earth survives. |
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| Affleck dates boss' daughter. |
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| Animal crackers are sexy. |
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| Bay's, Bruce's, Ben's blockbuster. |
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| Willis dies. Affleck lives. |
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| Hotties blow up asteroid. |
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| Asteroid doesn't deep impact. |
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| 'Deep Impact' with laughter. |
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