Lean's ponderous Pasternak adaptation.
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aahaa, muahaha (948)
87
tortoise (912)
88
Dante (899)
Still reviewing, but slowly.
Reviews by 'tortoise'
Current status of
Movie star
with a total of
912
reviews published to date.
Order by
Film Name
Review Votes
Review Score
Chronological Order
Show
All
127 Hours (2010)
Franco loses his grip.
Feb 15, 2011
Unscored
Vote
Alfie (1966)
Caine neuters his birds.
Jun 25, 2010
Scored 4/5
Vote
Alice In Wonderland (2010)
Alice, all grown up.
Apr 3, 2011
Scored 2/5
Vote
Aloha, Scooby-Doo (2005)
Surfboard wax, Scooby Snax.
Apr 18, 2008
Unscored
Vote
Along Came Polly (2004)
Insurance man takes risk.
Jul 25, 2004
Scored 4/5
Vote
Atonement (2007)
Variations on Tallis' theme.
Jun 29, 2009
Scored 4/5
Vote
Atonement (2007)
Seaside, by Cee's side.
Mar 22, 2009
Scored 4/5
Vote
Avatar (2009)
Paraplegic becomes extreme sleepwalker.
Apr 27, 2011
Scored 4/5
Vote
Babe (1995)
Lamb displaced by pork.
May 27, 2008
Scored 4/5
Vote
Babe: Pig In The City (1998)
Szubanski brings home bacon.
Sep 16, 2008
Scored 3/5
Vote
Ballet Robotique (1982)
* Batterie Not Included.
Jul 29, 2008
Unscored
Vote
Bank Job, The (2008)
Unauthorised "royal portraits" recovered.
May 4, 2011
Unscored
Vote
Basic Electricity, As Applied To Electronic Control Systems (1943)
Ohm and away.
Aug 22, 2008
Unscored
Vote
Batman Begins (2005)
Bale calls for backup.
Nov 25, 2005
Scored 5/5
Vote
Be Kind Rewind (2008)
Sigourney Weaver ruins 'Ghostbusters'.
Nov 28, 2008
Scored 4/5
Vote
Be Kind Rewind (2008)
Generator sabotage: Black charged.
Nov 28, 2008
Scored 4/5
Vote
Beaches (1988)
CeeCee, seashore.
Apr 7, 2009
Scored 3/5
Vote
Becoming Jane (2007)
American Austen understands irony.
Apr 17, 2009
Scored 2/5
Vote
Before I Go To Sleep (2014)
50 First Mornings After.
Oct 2, 2014
Unscored
Vote
Beyond The Sea (2004)
Darin duets with self.
Oct 29, 2005
Scored 3/5
Vote
Birthday Girl (2001)
Hand relief for banker.
Feb 19, 2003
Scored 4/5
Vote
Bit Of Tom Jones?, A (2009)
'Tiger' penis poached, peddled.
Jan 27, 2010
Unscored
Vote
Boomerang! (1947)
Prosecutor pushes for acquittal.
Oct 28, 2010
Scored 2/5
Vote
Bourne Ultimatum, The (2007)
Hack tracked, hacked, whacked.
Nov 30, 2007
Scored 5/5
Vote
Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason (2004)
Bridget: piste, becoming pregnant?
Nov 27, 2004
Scored 4/5
Vote
Brother Bear (2003)
Goats confused by echoes.
Sep 20, 2005
Scored 4/5
Vote
Brother Bear (2003)
Love totem disappoints adolescent.
Sep 21, 2005
Scored 4/5
Vote
Brothers Grimm, The (2005)
Grimms gather source material.
Dec 4, 2011
Scored 4/5
Vote
Brothers Grimm, The (2005)
Damon, Ledger: Napoleonic ghostbusters.
Dec 9, 2011
Scored 4/5
Vote
Brothers Grimm, The (2005)
Grimm ending: fairytale beginning.
Dec 4, 2011
Scored 4/5
Vote
Cape Fear (1991)
Bloody slippery kitchen floor!
Jun 19, 2003
Scored 3/5
Vote
Catalina Caper (1967)
Heist. Scroll. Musical.
Apr 20, 2009
Unscored
Vote
Chicken Little (2005)
Fish plays King Kong.
Mar 13, 2006
Scored 4/5
Vote
Chill Out, Scooby-Doo! (2007)
Shaggy has DJ's voice.
Apr 2, 2008
Scored 2/5
Vote
Christmas Carol, A (1938)
Marley and Mean.
Apr 1, 2009
Unscored
Vote
Cinderella Man (2005)
Boxer brings home turtle.
Jun 10, 2009
Scored 4/5
Vote
City Of Angels (1998)
Celestial stalker shags surgeon.
Apr 7, 2011
Scored 4/5
Vote
Color Purple, The (1985)
Danny Glover collects stamps.
May 16, 2008
Scored 4/5
Vote
Color Purple, The (1985)
Oprah returns to Harpo.
May 9, 2008
Scored 4/5
Vote
Color Purple, The (1985)
Family. Rifts. Reunions. Oprah.
May 16, 2008
Scored 4/5
Vote
Crying Game, The (1992)
Jaye: dude.
Sep 10, 2005
Scored 3/5
Vote
Da Vinci Code, The (2006)
Tatou's second codebreaking adventure.
Jan 13, 2009
Unscored
Vote
Dancing Dog: How They Made Scooby Doo Dance (2004)
Scooby-groovy-doo.
Apr 10, 2008
Unscored
Vote
Dark Knight Rises, The (2012)
Batman Bequeaths.
Nov 26, 2012
Unscored
Vote
Dark Knight, The (2008)
Joker's scar explanations inconsistent.
Feb 21, 2009
Scored 4/5
Vote
Dark Knight, The (2008)
Batmobile's a convertible - kinda'.
Feb 21, 2009
Scored 4/5
Vote
Dark Knight, The (2008)
Bale is hoarse, rider.
Mar 6, 2009
Scored 4/5
Vote
Dark Knight, The (2008)
Dawes breaks promise, hearts.
Feb 25, 2009
Scored 4/5
Vote
Dark Knight, The (2008)
Gordon gets promotion, emotion.
Feb 27, 2009
Scored 4/5
Vote
Darkman (1990)
Neeson needs stronger sunblock!
Jan 4, 2004
Scored 4/5
Vote
Deep Impact (1998)
Messiah can't save Manhattan.
Oct 28, 2010
Scored 4/5
Vote
Deep Impact (1998)
Freeman predicts a flood.
Oct 28, 2010
Scored 4/5
Vote
Deja Vu (2006)
Crime Seein' Investigation: Washington.
Aug 26, 2010
Scored 4/5
Vote
Desperately Seeking Susan (1985)
Miss taken identity.
Jan 9, 2013
Unscored
Vote
Digital Penis (2000)
Codename: Long horn.
Oct 17, 2007
Unscored
Vote
District 9 (2009)
Humans: selfish. Aliens: shellfish.
Sep 27, 2009
Scored 4/5
Vote
District 9 (2009)
The Shellfish Gene.
Sep 27, 2009
Scored 4/5
Vote
District 9 (2009)
The Prawn Identity.
Sep 27, 2009
Scored 4/5
Vote
District 9 (2009)
'Sweetie man' endangers child.
Sep 29, 2009
Scored 4/5
Vote
Doctor Who (1996)
Doctor attended by doctor.
Aug 6, 2005
Unscored
Vote
Doctor Who: The Crusade (1999)
Kingdom of Who-ven.
May 23, 2006
Unscored
Vote
Doctor Who: The Crusade (1999)
Galilee 'n' Gallifreyan.
May 23, 2006
Unscored
Vote
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)
Stiller's pizza: extra topping.
Feb 9, 2012
Scored 2/5
Vote
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)
Stiller REALLY loves pizza.
Feb 9, 2012
Scored 2/5
Vote
Donnie Darko (2001)
Gyllenhaal: reluctant rabbit hunter.
Jul 28, 2006
Scored 4/5
Vote
Dragonheart (1996)
Connery, Thewlis: halfhearted performances.
Aug 29, 2007
Scored 2/5
Vote
Dragonheart (1996)
Dragon's word: his Bond.
Nov 2, 2007
Scored 2/5
Vote
Dreamcatcher (2003)
English accent? Illegal alien!
Jun 29, 2004
Scored 4/5
Vote
Drunken Master (1978)
Chan fights like girl.
Aug 25, 2011
Scored 4/5
Vote
Drunken Master (1978)
Chan downs pints, opponents.
Aug 25, 2011
Scored 4/5
Vote
Drunken Master (1978)
Chan joins Alcoholics 'n'Ominous.
Aug 29, 2011
Scored 4/5
Vote
Dune (1984)
Narcotic-induced Messiah complex.
Aug 9, 2005
Scored 4/5
Vote
Early Bloomer (2003)
Colourful tadpoles hit adolescence.
May 26, 2005
Scored 4/5
Vote
Education, An (2009)
Cherry popped. Banana dropped.
Jul 4, 2010
Scored 4/5
Vote
Enemy At The Gates (2001)
Khrushchev commends martial Law.
May 24, 2010
Scored 4/5
Vote
Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (2004)
Disgruntled Dunst provides aide-memoire.
Jun 19, 2011
Scored 4/5
Vote
Evan Almighty (2007)
Freeman predicts flood, again.
Oct 28, 2010
Scored 4/5
Vote
Explosion Of A Motor Car (1900)
Blown gasket.
Sep 19, 2005
Unscored
Vote
Explosion Of A Motor Car (1900)
Blown exhaust.
Sep 19, 2005
Unscored
Vote
Explosion Of A Motor Car (1900)
Engine suffers severe overheating.
Sep 19, 2005
Unscored
Vote
Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer (2007)
Surfer indebted? Four closure.
Jul 28, 2011
Scored 3/5
Vote
Finding Nemo (2003)
Fish on a mission.
Mar 15, 2004
Scored 4/5
Vote
Fit For Jesus (2000)
Sacred cardio.
Jul 8, 2009
Unscored
Vote
Flightplan (2005)
Bean's information manifestly inaccurate.
Aug 11, 2011
Scored 4/5
Vote
Flirting With Disaster (1996)
Cop's partner: life partner.
May 10, 2006
Scored 3/5
Vote
Flirting With Disaster (1996)
Vacationing Fed takes trip.
May 10, 2006
Scored 3/5
Vote
Flubber (1997)
Weebo wobbles, falls down.
Aug 12, 2008
Scored 3/5
Vote
Footloose (1984)
Kevin dancer. Lori Singer.
Oct 2, 2009
Scored 3/5
Vote
Footloose (1984)
Lorry nearly squishes Lori.
Oct 2, 2009
Scored 3/5
Vote
Four Minutes (2005)
The 4 Minute Run!!!
Oct 7, 2005
Unscored
Vote
Franklin And The Green Knight: The Movie (2000)
Pre-teenage hero turtle.
Sep 12, 2005
Scored 4/5
Vote
G. (2000)
Camera thrown from plane.
Apr 6, 2005
Unscored
Vote
Ghostbusters II (1989)
Children's entertainers go nuclear.
Aug 28, 2009
Scored 3/5
Vote
Gone Nutty (2002)
Computer animation: acorn risk.
Jun 12, 2005
Scored 5/5
Vote
Gone Nutty (2002)
Scrat in the hat.
Jun 12, 2005
Scored 5/5
Vote
Good Shepherd, The (2006)
'Mother' is bad father.
May 12, 2010
Scored 4/5
Vote
Gulliver's Travels (2010)
Mailroom menial stands tall.
Jul 11, 2013
Scored 2/5
Vote
Hangover, The (2009)
Tooth and dare.
Jun 9, 2010
Scored 5/5
Vote
Happy Gilmore (1996)
Golfer Chubbs has handicap.
Jun 18, 2008
Scored 4/5
Vote
Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets (2002)
Snake's in a Drain.
May 5, 2011
Scored 4/5
Vote
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