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Lars tortures actress. Again.
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87 aahaa, muahaha (947)
88 tortoise (910)
89 Dante (897)
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Still reviewing, but slowly.
Reviews by 'tortoise'
Current status of Movie star with a total of 910 reviews published to date.
Order by  Film Name Review Votes Review Score Chronological Order Show 
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge Of The Sith (2005)
Turn Of The Jedi.
Jun 23, 2004
Scored 5/5
 
  Vote (55)   
Happy Days: 30th Anniversary Reunion (2005)
Brings back Fonz memories.
Jun 22, 2005
Unscored
 
  Vote (43)   
Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, The (2005)
Sigh, Robot.
Apr 28, 2005
Scored 3/5
 
  Vote (41)   
Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe, The (2005)
Wardrobe malfunction precipitates exposure.
May 11, 2004
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (40)   
Complete Works Of William Shakespeare (Abridged), The (2000)
Little Ado About Much.
Jun 20, 2005
Unscored
 
  Vote (39)   
Goldfinger (1964)
On gold & Bond.
Mar 7, 2004
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (36)   
Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone (2001)
Kids learn to spell.
May 8, 2003
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (31)   
Superman (1978)
Earth moves for Lois.
Apr 4, 2003
Scored 3/5
 
  Vote (31)   
2001 - A Space Odyssey (1968)
HAL's evidently running Windows.
Mar 27, 2003
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (29)   
Corpse Bride (2005)
Necromantic comedy.
Nov 4, 2005
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (29)   
Sixth Sense, The (1999)
Bruce revisits old haunts.
Apr 2, 2003
Scored 5/5
 
  Vote (29)   
Matilda (1996)
Poor little witch girl.
Sep 9, 2004
Unscored
 
  Vote (28)   
Star Wars: Episode VI - Return Of The Jedi (1983)
Heavy breather gets disconnected.
Aug 12, 2003
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (28)   
Con Air (1997)
Freeing John Malkovich.
May 18, 2004
Unscored
 
  Vote (27)   
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988)
Con Heir.
Feb 6, 2004
Scored 3/5
 
  Vote (27)   
Farmer's Wife, The (1928)
Crops Bride.
Feb 23, 2006
Unscored
 
  Vote (27)   
Soylent Green (1973)
Spicy dead people.
Mar 15, 2005
Unscored
 
  Vote (27)   
'Star Wars': A Musical Journey (2005)
Cha-Cha Binks.
Jun 1, 2006
Unscored
 
  Vote (26)   
Death On The Nile (1978)
Crime. Mia. River.
Jun 14, 2007
Unscored
 
  Vote (26)   
Monsters, Inc. (2001)
Cutie And The Beast.
Feb 6, 2004
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (26)   
Hannibal (2001)
Carrion Doctor.
Feb 6, 2004
Unscored
 
  Vote (25)   
Mystic River (2003)
Either way, Robbins buggered.
Mar 12, 2006
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (25)   
Pianist, The (2002)
Chopin for food.
Apr 28, 2004
Scored 5/5
 
  Vote (25)   
Aliens (1986)
Battle of all mothers.
Aug 29, 2003
Scored 5/5
 
  Vote (24)   
Assassination Of The Dog, The (1969)
Spot rubbed out.
Aug 6, 2005
Unscored
 
  Vote (24)   
Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring, The (2001)
Hard hobbit to break.
Apr 8, 2003
Scored 5/5
 
  Vote (23)   
Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers, The (2002)
Danger: heavy plant crossing.
Apr 3, 2003
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (23)   
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989)
Set phasers to dumb.
Feb 19, 2003
Scored 0/5
 
  Vote (23)   
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge Of The Sith (2005)
Dark Side 'suits' Anakin.
Jul 13, 2004
Scored 5/5
 
  Vote (23)   
Beauty And The Beast (1991)
Hirsute, her suitor.
Jul 13, 2005
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (22)   
Lord Of The Rings, The (1978)
All Tolkein no action.
Feb 5, 2004
Scored 3/5
 
  Vote (22)   
Passion Of The Christ, The (2004)
Jesus Christ, super-scarred.
Apr 26, 2004
Scored 3/5
 
  Vote (22)   
School Of Rock, The (2003)
Young, gifted and Black.
Apr 26, 2004
Scored 3/5
 
  Vote (22)   
Sister Act (1992)
Expected laughs. Got nun.
Jun 28, 2003
Scored 2/5
 
  Vote (22)   
Spider-Man 2 (2004)
Hiatus helps Tobey study.
Sep 6, 2005
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (22)   
Worst Jewish Football Team In The World, The (1999)
Bend It Like Benyamin.
Sep 20, 2005
Unscored
 
  Vote (22)   
Caddyshack (1980)
Four-wood film revue.
Apr 3, 2006
Unscored
 
  Vote (21)   
Chicken Run (2000)
The Bantam Menace.
Jul 23, 2004
Scored 5/5
 
  Vote (21)   
Corpse Bride (2005)
Marriage: a grave undertaking.
Sep 5, 2005
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (21)   
Dead Man Walking (1995)
Nun becomes Penn pal.
Aug 24, 2003
Scored 5/5
 
  Vote (21)   
Mr. Bean's Holiday (2007)
Abroad Bean.
Apr 1, 2007
Scored 3/5
 
  Vote (21)   
Sleeping Beauty (1959)
Regally Blonde.
Feb 6, 2004
Scored 3/5
 
  Vote (21)   
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge Of The Sith (2005)
Christopher Lee's parts cut.
Jun 9, 2005
Scored 5/5
 
  Vote (21)   
Taxi Driver (1976)
DeNiro seeks addressee clarification.
Aug 27, 2003
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (21)   
Leonard Nimoy: Star Trek Memories (1983)
Spockumentary.
Jul 29, 2004
Unscored
 
  Vote (20)   
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack Of The Clones (2002)
Clones, drones, and hormones.
Feb 20, 2003
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (20)   
Chicken Run (2000)
Magnificent hen, flying machine.
Apr 3, 2003
Scored 5/5
 
  Vote (19)   
Hannibal (2001)
Liotta increasingly absent-minded.
Feb 5, 2004
Unscored
 
  Vote (19)   
World Is Not Enough, The (1999)
Millennium Dome gets visitor.
Mar 27, 2003
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (19)   
Iron Giant, The (1999)
High Robot.
Apr 28, 2005
Unscored
 
  Vote (18)   
Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King, The (2003)
Fro' versus the volcano.
Jan 4, 2004
Scored 5/5
 
  Vote (18)   
Malone (1987)
Malone's 'retirement' is temporary.
Sep 11, 2005
Unscored
 
  Vote (18)   
Naked Cooking (2003)
Food prepared without dressing.
Dec 26, 2004
Unscored
 
  Vote (18)   
Roof Sex (2003)
Reproduction furniture.
Sep 10, 2005
Unscored
 
  Vote (18)   
Sleeping With The Enemy (1991)
* Battery's not eluded.
Apr 14, 2005
Scored 3/5
 
  Vote (18)   
Vanilla Sky (2001)
Tom. Cruz.
May 23, 2004
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (18)   
Walk The Line (2005)
Joaquin in Memphis.
Apr 2, 2007
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (18)   
Life And Death Of Princess Diana, The (1998)
Diopic.
Jul 2, 2005
Unscored
 
  Vote (17)   
Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King, The (2003)
Gondor's steward gets fired.
Jan 15, 2004
Scored 5/5
 
  Vote (17)   
Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
VERY cool hand Luke.
Jun 1, 2003
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (17)   
Vanilla Sky (2001)
Penélope. Cruise.
May 23, 2004
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (17)   
Witches Of Eastwick, The (1987)
Bun in the coven.
Sep 27, 2005
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (17)   
Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977)
Final resting place.
Jul 20, 2004
Unscored
 
  Vote (16)   
Italian Job, The (1969)
Turin, the money.
May 19, 2005
Scored 3/5
 
  Vote (16)   
Monsturd (2003)
Human waste wastes humans.
Jan 30, 2007
Unscored
 
  Vote (16)   
Naked Detective, The (1996)
Not-so-private dick.
Jul 3, 2005
Unscored
 
  Vote (16)   
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge Of The Sith (2005)
Luke. Dad: no hands!
Jan 23, 2006
Scored 5/5
 
  Vote (16)   
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge Of The Sith (2005)
Jedi daycare facility closed.
Jan 8, 2006
Scored 5/5
 
  Vote (16)   
Star Wars: Episode VI - Return Of The Jedi (1983)
Boy sees dead people.
Aug 16, 2003
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (16)   
The Ladies' Man (2000)
Afro-disiac.
Mar 4, 2005
Unscored
 
  Vote (16)   
You've Got Mail (1998)
... but it's all spam.
Apr 6, 2003
Scored 1/5
 
  Vote (16)   
'Star Wars': A Musical Journey (2005)
Tango Fett.
Jun 1, 2006
Unscored
 
  Vote (15)   
Angel Heart (1987)
BeelzeBob.
Jun 29, 2004
Scored 3/5
 
  Vote (15)   
Brother Bear (2003)
Joaquin on all fours.
Sep 21, 2005
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (15)   
Cider House Rules, The (1999)
Tobey's an aspiring doctor.
Sep 9, 2005
Unscored
 
  Vote (15)   
Girl With A Pearl Earring (2003)
Griet Expectations.
Jan 9, 2005
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (15)   
Great Cheese Robbery, The (1920)
Breaking the Roules.
Nov 10, 2005
Unscored
 
  Vote (15)   
Licence To Kill (1989)
Felix becomes somewhat Lighter.
Mar 27, 2003
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (15)   
Little Miss Sunshine (2006)
Grandpa acquires porn; stiffens.
Apr 5, 2007
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (15)   
Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers, The (2002)
Wan king, aides' arousal.
Oct 6, 2005
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (15)   
Monty Python And The Holy Grail (1975)
Multiple amputee claims draw.
Apr 2, 2003
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (15)   
Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
Luke's bowling days over.
Feb 22, 2003
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (15)   
Super Size Me (2004)
Cholesterol Damage.
Mar 8, 2007
Unscored
 
  Vote (15)   
Assassination Of The Dog, The (1969)
Dastardly end, Muttley.
Aug 7, 2005
Unscored
 
  Vote (14)   
Blaze Busters (1950)
Fifteen minutes of flame.
Jun 13, 2005
Unscored
 
  Vote (14)   
Chatterbox (1977)
Female ejaculation.
Apr 13, 2004
Unscored
 
  Vote (14)   
Eight Legged Freaks (2002)
Webby, no' mini.
Apr 16, 2005
Unscored
 
  Vote (14)   
Godspell (1973)
Fashion Of The Christ.
May 11, 2004
Scored 3/5
 
  Vote (14)   
Italian Job, The (2003)
Mos is partially Def.
May 1, 2005
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (14)   
Nice Girls Don't Explode (1987)
April fuels.
Oct 13, 2005
Unscored
 
  Vote (14)   
One Night At McCool's (2001)
Liv dangerously.
Apr 16, 2004
Unscored
 
  Vote (14)   
Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves (1991)
The Copse Bride.
Sep 12, 2005
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (14)   
Tremors (1990)
Desperate Bacon becomes rasher.
Jan 2, 2004
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (14)   
War Between Us, The (1995)
Issei Canuck.
Sep 8, 2005
Scored 3/5
 
  Vote (14)   
Attack Of The 60 Foot Centerfold (1995)
Scale model.
May 23, 2006
Unscored
 
  Vote (13)   
Fickle Blacksmith, The (1918)
An Eileen, smithy film.
Apr 18, 2006
Unscored
 
  Vote (13)   
Ghostbusters (1984)
Sigourney's a light sleeper.
Jan 9, 2004
Scored 4/5
 
  Vote (13)   
Krull (1983)
Krudd.
Apr 21, 2007
Scored 2/5
 
  Vote (13)   
Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King, The (2003)
Fight of the Gondor.
Jan 4, 2004
Scored 5/5
 
  Vote (13)   
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